Rob's practice notes

[Robert]

Warm welcome to my practice log!

Let’s start where it began. This is me on Oct 26 2008 near Battambang, Cambodia. I had visited Buddhist temples before but this occasion turned out to be significant. A bit of history is not just in order when talking about Cambodia, but also relevant to my later efforts to seek out the wisdom buried in the ancient eastern traditions, as we shall see.

We were touring (the boy in the background was our then eight-year-old guide and translator) one of the Khmer Rouge’s gallows hills, this one called Killing Caves. During the civil war and subsequent genocide the revolutionaries would execute dissidents at the top of the hill and then throw the bodies into open shafts or caves. How many who lost their lives at this particular site is uncertain but a common figure is that the revolution claimed around three million civilian lives all over Cambodia, and Battambang is one of three major population areas in the country. There were some graphics available “for foreigners” to illustrate these crimes:

As I remember it the Khmer people we met were fiercely kind, wild, and funny. Today I could probably more easily recognize the power and steadfastness that comes from living through trauma than I could back then, but it had a very special survivor energy to it, which in a certain way instills hope and a deep sense of respect. About a third of the entire population were murdered and tortured in cold blood during that time, so the memory is still very much alive as such a bug chunk of a whole generation is missing.

Before all this the Khmer Empire existed from the beginning of the 9th century to its fall around 1430 CE. Most rulers of that time are recorded as brutal tyrants but in late 12th century a Mahayana Buddhist king was enthroned. He built temples and sizeable statues of Avalokiteshvara, related or not the Angkor Empire flourished under his rule, many monumental structures were erected and it was a time of relative peace.

It went on for a few generations until another hateful ruler came along mid 13th century C.E. and forcefully converted the kingdom to Hindu Shaivism, destroying much of the Buddhist imagery. Not much was successful in that time and the Empire saw its final demise as a next ruler installed Theravada Buddhism. While several crisis were stocking up that might have been the final blow to collapse the political system completely.

Today many structures still stand in the area that is modern day Cambodia, this one was taken near the same site as the previous photos:

There were other places and events in Cambodia that left a lasting impression on me but it’s basically taken me up until now to understand the breadth of the impact that being there had on me. When I met the gentleman in the first photo he was very happy, he said, because he knew that I had been a son of his in a previous life. Today I can see how important that was for me to hear at that particular time, how it set me on a course towards studying myself and the Dharma, and how it tied me to the Khmer, its people and its history. Since then I have always longed to go back, and now I know it’s because there is much more in this connection for me to explore.

Finally some photos taken on or near the historical capital of the Khmer Empire, city of Angkor:

Makes a statement as you approach.

Walls decorated with divinities, wish I knew more.

Tiny-hidden-Buddha.

Nobody turns down a rainbow!

Wishing blessings to all. Have a wonderful time, and take care…

Rob

[Robert]

Written on 2023-04-05

Most profound aha: Leapover… Leap-over, because that’s what it is! When I set out to merge with the Holy Dharma over ten years ago, this was literally the culmination I sought, and many many aha’s, clicks and awakenings later, it just fell in my lap. How amazing is that? I’d say, I had little to do with it, or in any case I was thoroughly supported and guided, mostly without even knowing it. Homage!

The chronology is backwards but preceding this some events of interest took place. Some days ago there was a major release that finally lifted the worst DN I have seen to date. Huge relief not just for me but the whole family, we give praise and supplicate. Can’t believe these shifts still catch me off-guard, in hind-sight I should’ve known it was coming. I’m still quite unripe and naïve as a person, but it’s ok, and it won’t be like that forever either.

The days and weeks even before that break I was guided back to my first Dharma inspiration Dudjom Lingpa. His mind, in turn, led me to Troma Nagmo (image above), whom I hadn’t practiced a lot by her own. I immediately fell in love, of course. This is miraculous by itself, but wait till I tell you how dakinis brought me from my meditation into another plane, it was a Himalayan-like place (not actual Himalayas), grass was spring green, slightly wet, the air was deeply clean and we were dancing in the sky.

At least as excited as I was to be there, they were, and they were welcoming me saying they’ve eagerly been awaiting my arrival. It was a reception perfected, and after some meet and greet we took to horses and rode the plains over the hills in a most delightful fashion, the joy was almost juvenile but complete. After some play we flew off over yonder towards a starry sky and there only remained a beautiful drizzle lotuses in my aura and soothing whispers of divine female origin.

In these weeks I also met with Agastya but it was more practical leaning. There was a vision of ancient mantras, all interconnected like an organized lexicon, it was however not ordered like we use to order, but it was a spacial order, and they were all connected to each other. He first gave me one, which led to another, to the next and so and the further it went the faster it also went until I felt like an entire Sanskrit dictionary was vibrating in my aura. It sort of felt like an empowerment, I’m not sure, by remembering the vision I can bring out a similar effect, but it needs more investigation on my part. Just have a lot on my hands right now.

These events began when I was awaiting my first large image of Guru Rinpoche (image below). I had been waiting to find the perfect one all this time (since around 2017), because when it comes to Big Boss himself I really wanted it to be meaningfulus maximus. So I was of course excited to finally land on a buying decision, and let’s just say that to selflessly and wholeheartedly invite such a master to one’s home was received with appreciation and reciprocation of unexpected grandeur. 10/10.

Every bit of merit accumulated by these auspicious events we dedicate to the Jewels and to all sentient beings of the six classes, may all beings be free, happy, and get to experience all the goodness that existence has to offer - that is our heartfelt wish and goal!

[Robert]

This is how I typically meditate, although tomorrow I will say something different, the principles are the same. How do you meditate?

Short meditation on 2023-05-30 at 16.41.mov

Love and power, in peace and Dharma,

Rob

[Robert]

Entry 2023-06-13

Body of great bliss is an appropriate name to it - in one sense. It may also cause some confusion and make it sound like something it isn’t. It is blissful in the sense that confusion is completely omitted, it is however not blissed out - at all.

Experiencing this kaya inspired me with the following allegory. Think we are on a great expedition or voyage, having been travelling for the longest time, and having become homesick. Now we are tired and weary.

To find the spiritual path is like start heading back home. Then to enter the path is like entering our home country. Wherever I go in my country I feel familiar with most things and am quite well adjusted. I’m from the capital so I’m pretty much hated wherever I go except my home town, that probably applies to other towns too - if you’re from one in particular there will be sympathies and antipathies depending where you go. We’re happy be on home soil after so long so it’s a great improvement, it is already home in some ways - but not quite.

To finish purification of nadis and bhumis, to rest in wisdom, is like coming to our home town. We know the people here, our friends and loved ones are here around us. We know which store to get our good food, we know the climate, the seasons, where to do good work, how to speak with people, jargon etc, comfort is significantly increased. We are closing in now, but we want someplace to put our hat. After our long journey we are not yet settled.

Mahasukhakya is like getting the keys out, opening out front door, after years or even decades on the road, we enter our home, hang our coat, lay down our things, wash up - in our very own bathroom. We bring out some fresh sheets from the cabinet, make up the bed, brew a cup of tea, check if there are any snacks, we might turn the radio to a low volume and let some of the world in, we head for the living room, we kick back for the evening and begin to reminisce, to make some plans, Here we begin to settle, our travels are coming to a full stop. Existing is becoming truly effortless.

Anyone who’s been away from home for a long period knows how surprisingly easy it is to acclimatise back to our home country, town and dwelling. When we are out, we carry this place in our hearts, wherever we go. We depend on it for discernment, for guidance, it’s our bedrock, our compass and we wouldn’t function without it. My heart and prayers go out to all of you who do not have safe moments in childhood to rely on for this, that is so unfortunate. I’m sure you’d understand this allegory nevertheless but maybe you make alterations to better suit your circumstance. God bless!

To conclude, thus far I’ve had one complete cessation, which lasted about one second. As far as I could say, this was for me a glimpse at perfect light body. Longest second of my life and it was so fulfilling that I didn’t mind at all that it was short in duration, unlike pre-wisdom glimpses of wisdom, where I felt frustration it didn’t last longer.

Washing up one last time, switching the radio off, turning out the lights, and hitting the sack, just laying awake and indulging, that is the enjoyment of great bliss body, nothing exotic. It is as home as it gets, wherever we go. Like antithesis to exotic actually.

Thanks for tuning in, in kove and respect. Humans are warriors, I adore us all.

Rob

[Robert]

Entry 2023-09-03

Can’t remember exactly how the inquiry was phrased or even what the surrounding thoughts were at that time, although it had to do with devotion. In any case during guru yoga with Indian saint and legendary sage Padmasambhava, easily the one master with whom I have practiced the most thus far, like in a flash, sometime early this summer, it became apparent to me how little I know about things in relation to how much there is out there.

No allegory is perfect, that’s the nature of allegories, this one however didn’t need any work or further contemplation as it was just there, and I will try to convey the core of its meaning here.

Everything I have seen and learned since first touching with the Dharma surmounts to a tiny orchard and farm house on the outer rim of a brimming rainforest-like plantation more vast than the combined Taiga. A speck less significant than a single glimpse into the nature of mind over the span of a lifetime.

Humble to say the least, yet it’s growing and has some potential. Still somewhat dependent on the variations of seasons, recently it did become settled enough to support me and a few more people with a minimum for self-sustained survival. And on the average, our yields are increasing enough now, and crops are getting tasty enough, to think that we’re doing something right, and that if it keeps going in this direction this plot is might get developed enough for small community to actually live and blossom here. It is very small but we see reason to be hopeful.

So I am very grateful for this! Most people out there don’t seem to have access to (or know where to find) any fruit whatsoever, ever. I gladly share with anyone and everyone what we have, which is something, yet still… well, humble.

In this allegory, which struck me in a instant, my Guru resembled a teacher coming in and out of the “Taiga”, lending me not only his time and advice on cultivation in this particular area, but he would also roll up his sleeves and start to shovel dirt shoulder to shoulder with me again and again until the land I have would sustain.

It was utterly clear in this flash that his knowledge, know-how and experience surpassed mine by exponents. How much exactly is hard to say, it is like this is his natural environment, where I came in more like an annoyingly enthusiastic and unripe Bear Grylls trying to survive in a foreign land by scavenging and MacGyvering about.

It feels as I was shown this now because I am becoming more resident here, am beginning to get at least some bearings as a yogi, have even spawned a little bit of self-reliance in some sense, and therefore can find it useful to know something from beyond those fences drawn right behind my apple tree sprouts, that I before lacked the peace or grounding to consider.

Needless to say, I cry in humility over the unimaginable kindness my teacher has shown me from the start, I also say this on behalf of everyone around me who are yet to discover what we have been given. It becomes more clear every day, month and year that I’m out here working. To think what his teacher and Guru must know… I gasp for air, make prostrations, and hope my vision will keep expanding. My feeling says this orchard-to-Taiga-ratio is probably way too small to how it actually is, which is very exciting.

My sincerest thank you to Amrita Baba for shovelling with me while still having his own (and many others’) fields to work on, teaching me where to put the seeds and when to water, supporting me and trusting me, reassuring me that days of harvest will eventually come. The value of this is without measure - literally, actually.

I am deeply touched, and maybe even more importantly, inspired to do the same when others ask for my help, to lend them whatever tools I have, so that any and all accumulations and concentrations of merit are dispersed back to the refuge and to all sentient beings as soon as possibly imaginable, as fresh and invigorating as late April’s rain.

Hope this said something of interest, something of value, kept you entertained, maybe you found something to relate to. Let me know, these updates are semi-frequent, I would only be glad to strike up conversation in this thread about anything at all.

Best wishes,
Rob

[Robert]

Power of bodhicitta
2023-11-22

You have discovered bodhicitta and can sense its transformational potency. You have reason to develop that. Ask yourself - investigate - find out this:

How deeply can you wish for the liberation of all sentient beings?
-if you wield it like your compass and machete, how far can it take you?

Is it possible to apply bodhicitta?
-what happens to samsaric content if you persuade it of bodhicitta?

May all beings be free
-wishing you all success! …and please let us know

Rob

[Robert]

Note on 2024-03-10

One thing that has occurred to me since last time is that heartfelt compassion simply means to feel the pains of others like your own. Depending on what kind of emotions that come we may withdraw in a knee-jerk reaction instead of fully embracing it as our own, and it takes both insight and training to increase that ability. Insight that we ourselves actually are not at stake to begin with- that there is nothing to fear- and training in noticing whenever we reject something coming our way, so that the [useless] habit of doing that dies out as quickly as possible. If we succeed in doing that we are much better fit to serve sentient beings while maintaining a sense of agency over ourselves.

Here is my latest documentation clip, it is from today:

Yoga 2024-03-10

May all accumulation of merit be returned to the refuge and all sentient beings, so all sentient beings may achieve full liberation as quickly as possibly possible!

Warmest regards,
Rob